The 5 Times Roque Didn't Want to Kill Jensen
by OpheliacAngel
Summary: Most of the time Roque can't stand the annoying techie in their team. With all the nonstop talking and annoying comments he must really have a death wish. But Roque looks back on some of the times where he actually thought of Jensen as his little brother.


**The 5 Times Roque Didn't Want to Kill Jensen**

More often than not, Roque hated the kid brother of their team. He doubted he would ever find someone more annoying than Jensen, and he doubted there would ever come a time where he actually liked him. Jensen had some sort of death wish. He was just waiting to be knifed, and Roque was skilled with a blade. The techie always had to provoke him even when he knew what Roque could and would and should do to him. But there were a few good moments. And those moments convinced him that Jensen was truly one of them. He was the annoying little brother that kept everyone together through the good times and the bad. He was the superglue to hold them all together, as fucked up as they all were. Jensen was their savior in so many ways.

**Comfort**

It wasn't the first time Roque had shot someone, and it certainly wouldn't be his last. But this time was different. This time an innocent had gotten killed. It wasn't rare in his line of work, but it had never been done by his own hand. It had been an accident but he still beat himself up about it four days after it happened. He was grieving for that poor woman he didn't even know the name of. He held the knife in his hands, still covered in her dried blood. He swore to himself he would never wipe it clean. This death was on him, in his hands, and no one, not even Clay, could get him past this. He sat staring into the fire, dead and empty and feeling angry as hell at himself. The stars up above him judged him, and he wished he could slice every one down from the sky.

"Hey. Got another space open?"

He looked up to see the last person in the world right now he wanted to see.

"Get lost, Jensen."

"But I'm cold" the blond techie pouted.

"Then shit your ass down and stop whining."

Jensen sat closer to him than he would have liked but he ignored it, as long as he didn't do anything and didn't say anything stupid nothing terrible would befall him tonight. Roque just wasn't making any future promises. He continued to look at his knife and he could feel Jensen watching him.

"You got nothing better to do?"

Surprisingly he looked away quietly, wrapping his arms around himself in the cold winter night. He scooted closer to Roque.

"You come an inch closer to me and I'll slit your throat.

Roque felt better when he was making threats, he felt less guilty about what he had done.

"You shouldn't beat yourself up about this, Roque."

"Who says you have the right to tell me what to do!"

Jensen shrugged, "You're just scaring all of us. We're real worried about you."

"Let them worry. Cause I'm just fine."

Roque could feel Jensen's eyes staring into his soul.

"It's not your fault."

"Yes it is" his voice cracked.

He wiped away a tear, hoping the figure next to him didn't see it but he knew he did anyway.

"I shot someone a while back who I really cared about. I mean, I was forced to but it still eats away at me sometimes."

Roque looked back up at Jensen, who was smiling, but in a reassuring way.

"It takes time but it'll get better."

He nodded, starting to appreciate Jensen in a whole new way.

"Just remember, we're all here if you need us. Especially me."

He stood up and Roque almost wanted to tell him to sit back down.

"Jensen."

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it."

The techie turned his back and headed to the tent that he shared with Cougar. And the man who still sat at the fire, riddled with guilt, felt something he rarely felt before…Comfort.

And Jensen had been the one to give it to him.

**Amazement**

It was no great secret amongst his team that Cougar had a thing for their blond techie. Sometimes he, Clay, and Pooch talked about it in secret, they joked about it, laughing that it would never work out. But Roque disagreed with them on one major area. Pooch and Clay thought Jensen was too stupid and too much a flirt among women to notice. But Roque was not that blind. Sometimes he saw Jensen look over at the sniper when he thought no one was watching, saw him smile at the way his hair fell across his shoulders and feel victorious because he was the only one of their little team who never made any threats towards him. Cougar was a great listener, and he could tolerate listening to Jensen for hours. And most of the time the sniper was the only one he would directly talk to. Roque knew it was because Jensen liked Cougar. It made him sick to think about it at first, but the life they led got to be tough and every once in a while he needed a distraction. And he could always get one from those two. Whether it was exchanging looks or winks or the way that Cougar sometimes wrapped his arm around Jensen protectively. And the fact that the techie allowed it, actually wanted it. Roque actually smiled the day he saw proof of this affection, especially since Clay and Pooch had seen it too.

They were all in the kitchen eating breakfast one morning. Jensen was fixing himself some cereal and Cougar was watching him, his eyes darting up occasionally from his own bowl. Roque was the only one who was paying attention. Clay was reading a newspaper and Pooch was going through some tech messages from Jolene. Their little brother turned around, mouth full of cereal, to face Cougar.

"Hey Cougs. Why do you always wear that hat?"

Clay rolled his eyes and Roque watched in mild amusement. Cougar didn't answer.

"Cause you know, if you're low on money I can buy you another one."

Jensen turned around from the sniper momentarily to load his mouth with more cereal. Roque watched as a faint smile appeared on Cougar's face.

"So whatcha say Cougs? Or does your hat have some nostalgic value to you? Cause you know what they say. You should never get attached to anything. Not that the hat doesn't look good on you, cause believe me it does or I would've said something a long time ago. It does look great on you but it's already getting kind of ratty and you know you wanna look your best out there, Cougs. You being a sniper and all."

About halfway through this annoyingly long speech, which wasn't even considered long for Jensen, Cougar got up and walked over to him. Roque almost thought for a second that he was gonna slap him. After all, he did get really emotional and protective over his hat. But instead he put his hand on the techie's mouth, very gently might he add, and he did the last thing Roque ever thought he was gonna do. He always believed Cougar would rather be shot down than resort to this. He took off his hat and handed it to Jensen, who immediately shut his mouth and stared up at Cougar with huge bright eyes.

"Really?"

Cougar nodded and watched as he took the hat from his hands.

"Can I wear it?"

"Yes. You can wear it today."

Jensen grinned and put it on, cheering and dancing around the room.

"Hey guys, look what Cougar gave me!"

"He didn't give it to you", Roque growled at him, he was still shocked though.

He looked up at Cougar who winked at him and sat back down. That was when he noticed Clay and Pooch were now watching, and they looked as shocked as he was. The sniper looked completely different without his hat and they all focused completely on him. He was staring up at Jensen happily. No longer sharing his usual concern for his precious hat.

And Roque realized something very important that day. Jensen was more important to Cougar than anyone else. The dismissal of his hat had proved that. And that amazed him beyond belief.

**Guilt**

He rarely ever felt guilt. He felt guilt when he did something wrong, but that was in the past, he never regretted anything anymore. He felt guilt whenever Clay was injured on his watch. And he felt guilt whenever he killed innocents. But that was all part of the job. One thing he never expected to feel guilt for, never expected to happen was this.

Jensen had been injured. Badly. They had nearly gotten out except for the fact that he didn't see one man out of the dozen he had killed. And Jensen had payed the consequences for that stupid mistake. He was supposed to have his back, and right now, as he sat there watching Jensen, he realized that he was dying. That he could be dead soon because of him. Pooch and Cougar had patched him up as best as they could. But there were no lies among them. They all knew that there was a high risk of having one less team member tomorrow morning. But if Jensen got through the night he would be fine. If he recovered from the fever and shock rattling his body he would get better. Slowly, but he could get better. Roque could only hope.

He was so still. He didn't even want to ask them how many stitches he got. Didn't want to know. Didn't want to add throwing up his lunch to the list of things he had to do tonight. Cause the only thing he was gonna do was watch over Jensen. Clay was on guard outside and everyone else was asleep. This was his job. Watch over Jensen, protect the kid because you couldn't before. He was still covered in blood and every few minutes Roque would wipe a cool cloth over his forehead, trying in vain to cool him down. His breathing was ragged and harsh, body shivering violently, eyes closed tightly, his face etched in pain. Pain that never should have been there in the first place. _Your fault. You failure. _He took his hand in his own and scooted closer.

"Hey kid. You're gonna be alright. You just gotta hang in there and keep fighting. You know, you can't leave Cougar here on his own. He needs someone to wear his hat for him. And Clay's never gonna find another techie as talented as you. You'll miss Pooch's insults and I'll even miss you a little. Who am I gonna throw threats at if you're gone? There'll be no more reason to sharpen my knives in the dead of night. You just can't go yet, Jensen. You're part of the team and that's never gonna change. Stay with us."

He talked mostly to calm himself down, and actually believed that was the most words he had ever said at one time. He heard Clay walk in and put on his tough guy face, but he could tell that he could see through the mask. They knew each other all too well.

"How is he?"

"His fever's persisting."

"We should try to clean him up a little."

"I'll let Cougar do it when he wakes back up."

Roque definitely didn't want to wash Jensen. That was way too intimate.

"You want a break?"

"No Clay. I'm fine."

"Don't beat yourself up about this, Roque."

"It was my fault."

"We all make mistakes. Even me."

They both looked down at their techie when his breathing hitched. Clay kneeled down to stroke his forehead, calming him back down into a restless sleep. He confirmed what Roque already knew.

"If he gets through the night he'll be alright."

"I can't even imagine what this is doing to Cougar."

Clay shook his head sadly, "To all of us, Roque. To all of us."

They sat there for the next few minutes in silence, comforting Jensen and showing him that he wasn't alone, until Clay walked back outside. Roque felt a sharp pain in his chest for the hundredth time since it had happened. And he deserved it. He deserved to feel the guilt.

**Apologetic**

It was Roque's birthday, and like always they had a night out on the town, getting drunk and partying. They headed back to their apartment around one in the morning. But surprisingly no one wanted to go to bed yet. So they stayed up drinking more and laughing and just having fun. Roque loved his life on nights like this. When his whole team was together and there was nothing to worry about. No knives to sharpen at the moment, no hacking and no research, and certainly no worrying about enemies or whomever else they ever worried about. No, that could wait until the morning. The kitchen smelled delicious and he racked his drunken brain trying to figure out what it was, when he saw Jensen step up to the oven and pull out a huge chocolate cake. They all gathered around the table as the techie placed it down and started frosting it with vanilla icing. He smiled up at Roque and he found himself smiling back.

"Happy birthday, Roque."

"You made this for me?"

"You bet."

Jensen handed the knife over to Cougar, who took it from him after placing a little kiss on his lips. Yeah, their relationship had started a few weeks ago. And so far it was going smooth. Despite being disgusted more than half the time, Roque was happy to see that they finally acted upon their feelings. Cause after a while, their staring and winking would have driven him nuts.

Before he could thank Jensen he not surprisingly talked again.

"It's time to break out the presents!"

A piece of cake was shoved into his hands and it tasted even better than it smelled. Who knew their techie could bake? And he was an amazing cake baker. Clay passed him a bottle of whiskey, which had a navy blue bow pasted onto the side. He was drunk enough as it was though, so he refused himself to even take a sip of it. Pooch was next and he gave him a camo messenger bag. It was perfect timing too, since his had been torn to shreds not even a week before. Jensen leaned back against the counter, not yet touching his cake, watching Cougar step up to give Roque a sleek pair of shades. And then Jensen, good old Jensen, their annoying little cake baking brother gave him a gorgeous, just beautiful little knife unlike anything Roque had seen before. He couldn't wait to slice someone open with this delicate little thing.

"Wow."

"You like?"

"I love."

Jensen only grinned and leaned into Cougar, sharing his piece of cake with him. Roque only stared at the knife, admiring its uniqueness and beauty. He had underestimated their techie greatly.

When everyone else went to bed he dragged the techie outside, much to the sniper's protests.

"What's up?"

He looked up at the blond and felt a surge of guilt after seeing what Jensen had done for him for his birthday. Yeah, Roque was gonna apologize. And that was something big, cause Roque never apologized.

"Sorry for treating you like shit on the last hunt."

Jensen gave a slight nod and then shrugged his muscular shoulders.

"It's fine. Not like it's anything new."

Roque smiled and wrapped an arm around Jensen, who looked awkward for a second then finally accepted it for what it was, a peace offering. Maybe even a sigh of friendship, of nicer things and better days to come.

"Thanks for tonight, Jensen."

"No prob. Happy birthday, Roque."

"Thanks."

They stood there for a few more minutes until Jensen finally realized how tired he was.

"Night Roque. Back to my Mexican love sniper."

Roque chuckled and watched Jensen walk back down the hallway to the room he shared with Cougar.

"Night to you too, Jensen. See you in the morning."

He stared up at the moon cause he didn't want his birthday to end this soon.

**Relief**

So far it had been a good day. The mission was going good, no one had gotten hurt, and Roque was feeling a bit more pride and confidence than he normally did. But the mission wasn't over yet. He heard screams emanating from what must have been not two rooms over in the dilapidated apartment complex his team was in. Shit. He readied his arms so he could pull out his knives easily when need be. Cougar was on the roof and Roque immediately wanted him to be in the room with the rest of his team. Cause things were gonna get bad. He shot Pooch a look, who cocked his gun, and he heard Clay breathing hard and fast behind him. Jensen was probably behind him too, but he didn't know because no one was talking. They were only waiting for the inevitable. Roque hated moments like this. He really did.

Clay was the first to go down. They should have all known better, he should have known better. The screams had been a distraction, they were being ambushed from behind now. He spun and took out a guy before he could take out Pooch, then he checked over Clay quickly before heading into the darkness in the direction the guys came out of. Clay had only been shot in the leg, for which Roque was thankful. But if he wasn't careful, he or someone else would get it worse.

He was pissed because he couldn't see a damn thing. He wanted to walk faster, but he couldn't because doing that spelled out reckless and stupid. Where the hell was Jensen? He had been next to him not ten minutes before. He saw a light somewhere up ahead and headed towards it but he fell on his face hard before he could take another step. Roque curled his wrist and shot out his knife, which plunged seconds later into the man currently on top of him. He shoved him off and started to panic when five more men surrounded him, all baring guns. He shot down two of the enemy and ducked as the rest of the guns went off. Everything was so damn loud. He thought by now he would be used to the noise. But it was loud and his ears were ringing. And he wondered where the hell Pooch and Clay had gone.

His knife had a mind of its own, and before he could think about his next move as his ears adjusted to the agony, it shot out and went on an insane killing frenzy. It was slashing here and there and it gave Roque confidence as he stepped further into the darkness. Which might as well have been suicide. But there were no more men, he was at work killing the last one. So unless they had fled or were hiding he would be just fine…

He felt someone behind him and was smart enough to know he wouldn't be able to turn around in time before he dropped down to the ground, dead. But luckily he didn't have to think much about last words, because a shot rang out not four seconds later. He turned around to see a dirty face complete with short blond hair covered in fresh blood. The man was holding a gun and had the most determined and badass look on his face that not even Clay could live up to. He slid his knife back into his pocket and was embarrassed to find himself smile.

**Jensen**

Jensen had just saved his life. He almost gave their techie a kiss, but that would have just been wrong. So he stepped closer and wrapped his arms around their shaking team member.

"What happened?" Clay's loud voice invaded the dark room, but that didn't make Roque pull away.

He noticed the blond was crying and he didn't feel as embarrassed when Pooch walked over and wrapped his arms around both of them. They were a team and they looked out for each other. That was how it would always be. And Roque heard his mouth open and utter words he never thought he would speak.

"It's gonna be alright, Jensen. We've got each other."

He smiled. That was the one thing they would always have. Each other. And that was enough for him. Jensen would forever be a part of their team. And Roque knew that would never change.

**FIN**


End file.
